Empty Canvas

Okay, so you’ve had your revenge. Can we talk now?

Robyn stared at the message in disbelief. How had he gotten through? Wasn’t he blocked from all her devices. She jumped out of bed and ran to Mel’s room, bursting in without knocking with me right behind her.

“Mel, what is this??” she asked brandishing the phone at her. Mel squinted at this apparition in front of her, and then at the phone.

“Its an iPhone.” She said with disinterest.

“Not that, this!” Robyn said with irritation pointing at the message. Mel sat up reluctantly and squinted at the message.

“It’s a message asking if y’all can talk.” Mel said.

“From…?? I thought you blocked him!” Robyn accused rather unfairly I thought. Wasn’t Mel’s fault if Chris had found a way to unblock himself is it?

Mel leaned forward to read who’d sent the message, “why would I block Mijo?” she asked, “What’s ‘e done?”

Robyn snatched the phone back and read the name. she’d been so sure…she clicked on the green phone button and put the phone to her ear.

The phone rang and rang and rang and she was about to disconnect it when a sleepy voice answered.

“Where’s the fire?” Mijo asked.

“You wanted to talk, we’re talking.” Robyn replied tersely.

“Huh?” Mijo asked in surprise, “who said I wanted to talk?”

“Your message.” Robyn replied in the same short tone. She had her hand on her hip and she was tapping her foot. Wooo, she was not a happy camper.

“You mean Chris’ message…” Mijo said.

“Its from your phone.”

“You blocked him.”

“Because I didn’t want to hear from him!”

“He said you sorted that out.”

“What!?! Liar! When?”

“Something about your grandmother…?”

Robyn had already opened her mouth to retort and she’d even taken a huge breath to clap back majorly when she realized…fuck, she’d said she’d talk to him after memorial day. It was after memorial day. Gran Gran must have ratted her out. And Chris must have seen through her whole trip. Fuck fuck fuck.

“Right. So…is he there?” she asked in a completely different voice than she’d been using.

“No, but I’m sure he’s sitting up waiting for your call. I, on the other hand, would like to get back to sleep.” Mijo replied.

“Oh, sorry. Bye.” Robyn said.

“Bye Robz. Behave.” Mijo said before hanging up.

“I always behave.” Robyn said to no-one since even Mel had gone back to sleep, poor hungover Bajan that she was.

She wasn’t quite ready to talk to him, but she supposed she could text.

Hi.

Was all she could manage as she walked back to her room and got in the shower. She had a cold one because her head was feeling woozy and she needed to be awake for this. She emerged from the shower to her message light blinking. She sat on the bed to drip dry as she read it.

Finally! I was beginning to despair…

The first message said. The second one, which had been sent about three minutes later said.

Robyn? Are you going to answer me?

And five minutes after that, the third message.

Unblock me so I can call you Robyn, please.

She clicked on the reply button and said.

You’re already unblocked idiot. I was in the shower.

She put down her phone and went to the closet to see what she would wear as she counted down in her head.

In three…two………one.

“yellow bottom jeans, yellow bottle pimpin…” his special ring tone.

“Ha! Right on time bitch.” Robyn said to herself. She picked up the phone and answered it but didn’t say anything.

“Hi.” He said.

“Hi.” She replied.

“It nice to hear your voice.” He said.

“Wish I could say the same.” She replied. But it was a lie, judging by the way her heart beat was speeding up and her hands were shaking slightly, plus her face was pink. She was definitely on hyper alert.

“First of all, I have something for you that I’d like you to hear. When are you coming home?” Chris asked after taking a deep breath. I could hear his breathing from here. It was rather fast. These two just made each other sick. If they weren’t careful they’d end up in adjoining beds with simultaneous heart attacks.

“My ears are working great right now…” Robyn said.

“I need to see your face.” Chris insisted.

“Skype is good.” Robyn retorted.

“Nope. Needs to be live. Please?”

“We’ll be home in two days.” Robyn conceded with a sigh of defeat.

“Great. Wonderful. Marvelous. I’ll see you then.” Chris said.

“Mmmphm.” Was all Robyn replied, and then she just hung up on him. No goodbye, no nothing. If she wasn’t a woman of her word, I’d think she was lying about meeting him. She got dressed in her smallest bikini and headed for the beach with a sigh, leaving Mel to sleep.

“Might as well salvage something from this trip…” she murmured to herself.

“Right. Okay. We’re doing this.” Robyn said nervously as the plane touched down in Miami.

“Look, you’re not delivering yourself to be wed or anything. We’re just going to have some fun, on memorial day with some rappers…who Chris doesn’t like…much. Mainly because he a jealous fool.” Mel said making Robyn laugh and then look thoughtful.

“How was I before Mel? I can’t remember. Did I used to worry about what some guy thinks before I did anything?” Robyn asked her.

“Before what?” Mel asked.

“Before the blight that is Chris Brown came into my life.” Robyn clarified.

Mel laughed, “You mean in the time before the earth cooled? Who can remember? There was Rohan, I remember. He was nice.” She said with a nostalgic sigh.

“Yes. He was.” Robyn agreed reminiscently, “but he stopped calling when I moved to New York. What was a girl to do?”

Mel shrugged, “I hear he has a kid now. And a girl.” She said.

“Wow. You kept that quiet!” Robyn exclaimed.

Mel shrugged again, “I didn’t think you cared.”

“I don’t…didn’t. but now that I know…I kind of do. What she have that I don’t?” Robyn said, making Mel laugh.

“Time.” She said.

There was a car waiting for us outside. Aubrey had sent it; Roc nation, Robyn’s management firm, had also sent a car. They looked after their own. So we were spoilt for choice. After a debate about whether this car represented an excess of thirstiness on Aubrey’s part, we decided to go with the Roc Nation SUV. Or rather, Mel and Robyn did. They didn’t ask me, though I was in favour. Aubrey’s Daimler was too..much. like a pimp car or something.

It turned out to be a good choice because as we arrived at our hotel room, we were greeted with a roomful of red roses. I left immediately. Those flowers are a haven of bees, talk about outnumbered. I decided to go in search of swamp. Robyn and Mel were going to lounge about the pool anyway, the video shoot wasn’t till later, and Aubrey would come for us. I did intend to find swamp but I was distracted by all the B positive available in the pool area. The amount of sangria mixed in with the B positive made me kind of dizzy but I wasn’t complaining. I was good.

Aubrey called at 4pm to let us know he was on his way and Mel and Robyn went off to change. I decided to wait in the lobby, being too dizzy for the stairs and I didn’t need to change.

Aubrey walked in to the reception with a little entourage in tow, rock star shades in place. He still looked lost though. He went to the reception to announce himself and the lady there called Robyn to ask her if she could let them up, but she refused. They would come down. Aubrey looked a bit disappointed but he contained it. When Robyn stepped in the room, he forgot all about his pique anyway. He was all over her like white on rice. Robyn smiled as best she could but she looked like she wanted to lean away from his intensity half the time. It was funny.

The shoot was all red lights and smokiness and my dizziness was not helping me to understand what was going on. There was loud music, and cameras in everyone’s faces and a lot of talking, but that’s really all I could decipher. Aubrey stayed close, but there were a lot of other guys there, light fat guys, dark fat guys, dark buff guys, and dancers. they all seemed to know each other quite well and after the shoot, we went out to the club. I love clubs, so full of food…usually. Today I was still kinda…okay, I’ll say it, I was possibly drunk, and I didn’t want to be hungover so I avoided drunk blood. Aubrey kept Robyn close, even holding her hand at some point and whispering stuff in her ear. Robyn smiled her, ‘Oh God when will this end?’ smile and signaled frantically to Mel who was busy dancing with someone called Trey so she wasn’t really paying attention. Plus, she was definitely in the sangria crowd so I doubt she was sober.

The night was fun though, as much as one can have fun with a depressive personality and finally Robyn was able to drag Mel away back to the hotel.

“Soo did you have fun?” Mel asked as we drove to the hotel.

“Not really.” Robyn replied.

“Okay, if you minus Drake from the equation, did you have fun?” Mel persisted.

“Not really. My head is too full of…stuff.” Robyn said, waving her arms around her head to demonstrate.

“mmmh.” Was all Mel replied. She dozed off even before we arrived. Robyn and Mark had to drag her up to bed.

Robyn flopped onto her own bed, feeling a heavy weight on her chest, and she didn’t know why. Although she fell asleep pretty fast her rest was uneasy and she had weird dreams she didn’t remember in the morning. The ping of her message tone woke her up with a start at 5am. She picked up the phone and stared at the message in disbelief.

Okay, so you’ve had your revenge. Can we talk now?

“Robyn says ‘fuck off’.” Chris said aloud to no-one reading Mel’s message, “Because Robyn is the queen and everything that she says is law. Everyone must bow down to Queen Rih.” He said mockingly to no-one holding up his phone like it was a decree from some nineteenth century monarch being read in the market place for all the peasants.

“Forget it Robyn. I ain’t fucking off nowhere. Not after all this. I’m a fool, I’ll admit it, to myself if not to you. But being a fool is not a crime as far as I know. And I’m only a fool for you…” Chris’ eyes lost focus at the sentence as he was blown away by his own poeticness. He quickly clicked notes on his phone and wrote the sentence down. This led to further distraction as he drifted over to the piano to belt out a little tune.

“What you doing?” K asked, coming into the room and startling the hell out of him. She came and wrapped herself all around him, like he was her property. He’d been extra attentive the last few days and as a result she was feeling great about her future prospects as possibly the first Mrs Chris Brown. Just long enough to qualify for that alimony! K smiled to herself as she caressed his midriff.

“Look Kae, would you mind? I’m trying to compose here.” Chris said irritably. K pulled back in surprise. Looked like grumpy Chris was back.

“I’ll…go make you some food shall I?” she said tentatively.

“Whatever. Just leave me alone for  a bit?” he replied.

“O-okay…” she said backing away. With his bipolar ass, why was he so unpredictable?

Chris finished with his song and then texted Mel again.

What time do you land? He asked like he hadn’t just been asked to fuck the fuck off.

Which part of ‘fuck off’ didn’t you understand? Mel finally replied like thirty minutes later. Chris snorted and attempted to call her. But they were still on the plane and there was no network. God, he hated texting.

Mel, tell her I’m sorry. I just need her to listen for ten minutes, and then if she still wants me to fuck off, I will. Please. Tell her I said please ten times.

There was an anxious wait for the reply. It didn’t take as long as the other, and when it came, it was from Robyn.

Christopher darling, I don’t know how to put this so you will understand but I’ll give it one last try. I AM NOT INTERESTED IN ANYTHING YOU MIGHT HAVE TO SAY!! Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?!?!?!

No, she wasn’t serious. She was pissed at him because of the song, and maybe because of the pics and everything with Kae, but that didn’t eliminate everything that they had. It couldn’t kill the love that had survived…everything. This was just too stupid. He stared into space thinking hard.

“Hallo?” her voice was so hoarse, and she sounded so tired that he almost hung up.

“Gran Gran? Its Christopher.” He said reluctantly. He had the grace to be shame-faced about resorting to calling a sick woman to intercede on his behalf.

“Let me guess, you’ve been an asshole again?” she said completely unsurprised.

“I can’t seem to help myself. Is there a cure for this? Where can I get it?” Chris asked sheepishly.

There was a sound like coughing and choking and wheezing, and Chris was afraid that he’d given her a heart attack or something. His breath literally stopped. If he killed her grandmother, he could say goodbye to any chance of even being in the same country as Robyn ever again. Then he heaved a sigh of relief when he realized she was laughing.

“You funny Christopher.” She said in a low breathless voice.

“Gran gran I need you not to die on me, Robyn would never forgive me.” Chris said anxiously.

There was more wheezing on the other end.

“Stop Christopher. You make me die laughin’; you right, Robyn and them gon’ kill you.” This seemed to set her off again and she was wheezing with that breathless sound again. Chris was glad that he could cheer her like this, but he was in a cold sweat at the thought of her dropping dead from lack of oxygen or an excitement induced heart attack.

“Gran Gran stop.” He said anxiously, which just set her off again. Eventually she slowed down again, and after taking a number of deep breaths she was able to speak again.

“Okay, you make me laugh, so I will do something for you. I  talk to her, get her to listen. The rest is up to you.” Gran Gran said.

“Thank you Gran Gran. I appreciate it.” Chris said with relief.

“Don’t appreciate it son, jus’ don’ waste it.” Gran said admonishingly.

“I won’t. I promise. I love you Gran Gran. I’ll see you soon. I’m having an art exhibition soon in New York, and I have your birthday gift ready. I can’t wait for you to see it.” He said with excitement.

“I sure its great. Christopher, you have a good heart. Never forget that.” She told him gently.

“I won’t.” Chris said after a small, choked silence, “I promise.”

“No crying Christopher. This is a happy day. Robyn be talkin’ to you in no time.” Gran said.

That just made the tears flow faster from Chris’ eyes. They were going to lose her, waaay too soon. He tried to imagine, if he was feeling this bad, how Robyn was feeling. All of a sudden he just wanted to hug her, hold her close, tell her that everything would be alright. It wasn’t fair the things he put her through, whether his heart was in the right place or not. Fuck, he just wanted to be with her! why was something so simple so difficult to accomplish?

Meanwhile, the private jet was just touching down in New York’s private airstrip. We were a little tired, but not too tired to pass through the hospital on the way to the hotel.

“Gran Gran!” Robyn exclaimed excitedly when she saw her. “look what I brought you”, she said producing a black and white hat written BOY.

“Oh, you got the gender wrong girl.” Her grandmother said taking the hat nevertheless and placing it on her head.

“Still looks perfect on you though. “ Robyn said with affection.

“I’m sure it do.” Gran Gran said simpering into the mirror Robyn handed her. Robyn and Mel laughed at her antics. Aww Gran Gran…she looked tired though, and working hard to conceal it. I hoped we weren’t staying long.

“Speaking of boys, yours called me crying.” She said to Robyn.

“Mine?” Robyn asked in puzzlement. She was jet lagged people! It takes a minute to switch gears.

“Yours.” Gran Gran confirmed. Robyn had to think about it for five minutes.

“Oh. Chris.” She said at last with nooo enthusiasm.

“Yes.” Gran Gran said looking at her, then she put up her hand as Robyn opened her mouth, “I don’t want to know what he did. All I know is that I don’t want to spend my last days listening to male whining. You no gon’ make me do that are you Robyn?” she asked looking Robyn hard in the eye.

“Wow, emotional blackmail? Seriously Gran Gran?” Robyn asked shaking her head in feigned disappointment.

“I don’t know what you talkin’ bout Robyn. All I know, is that I don’t wan’ hear no more about her ‘Robyn won’t talk to me’, ‘Robyn shuttin’ me out’. It won’t kill you to listen to him will it?” Dolly asked.

“Yes. It will.” Robyn stated poutily. She made me smile, she was so sulky.

“Suck it up.” Gran said, startling Robyn into laughter.

“Okay then, maybe after memorial day weekend, I’ll call him.” She said…if he still wanted to talk to her when he found out how she spent the weekend…that way, she’d be able to keep her word to her grandmother and listen to Chris. If he was too salty to want to speak to her…all the better. It would just prove her point. He wasn’t ready for all this.

I was dozing on the plane, trying to escape from that cabin pressure when Robyn’s voice woke me.

“Sooo, this guy seriously he calls me like fifteen times last night, and I’m talking 4am here, and then this morning, he’s texting me like…good morning, like everything is fine.” She was saying to Mel.

“I get confused. You talking to him, you not talking to him…he’s talking to you, he’s not talking to you…who can keep up?” Mel replied.

“I know, I know, its like get off the roller coaster already. Well you know what Mel? This is my stop.” Robyn said.

“Mmm hmm.” Was Mel’s skeptical reply.

“I’m serious.” Robyn insisted.

“You’re always serious.” Mel said, continuing to play the video game thingy she’s been playing all along driving a cartoon car on a screen really fast. She seemed to enjoy racing her car and coming first in this game whose point I really didn’t see, but it seemed to entertain her.

“Okay, you don’t believe me, I’ll show you.” Robyn said decisively. She took out her phone and put it on. There was no network on the plane but she could use the wifi to send a message. She clicked on her contact list until she came to one name. Mel leaned over to see what she was doing.

Hey Aubrey. How are you? Where are you?

She asked. Mel’s mouth opened wide, “You called him Aubrey.” She said.

“Yes. I did.” Robyn replied looking her dead in the eye. The phone pinged, startling me. The message had barely gone out!

Hey girl. What’s up?

Was Aubrey’s reply. Robyn looked thoughtfully at the message wondering what to reply. She looked at Mel brows raised. Mel shrugged.

I’m on my way to New York, I thought we could meet up.

Robyn said, taking a deep breath as she did it, like she was doing something which physically hurt her.

I have a better idea. Any plans for memorial day?

Robyn stared at the message with wide open eyes, and then looked at Mel. What do I do? Her big green eyes asked her. Mel sat thinking.

“Find out what he’s thinking.” She said.

Robyn immediately asked. Why?

Mel actually stopped playing her game to wait for Aubrey’s reply. It wasn’t long in coming. It was like he’d been doing a raindance and consulting witches for spells to make her call him, so he was fully prepared. The man with a plan.

French Montana’s shooting a video in Miami that weekend. Want to come with?

Robyn’s brows rose to her hairline. She looked at Mel. Well? What now? Mel looked back at her and shook her head. Not like she was saying no though, more like, its up to you.

Robyn leaned back on her seat staring at nothing. This was it. If she did this, it’d probably confirm to Chris that all the suspicions he had ever had about her were true. But what the hell? He believed they were true anyway right? If he was going to believe things about her that weren’t true…well, she might as well be guilty of something. But a trip to Miami??

“Fuck. Might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb.” She murmured as she texted him back. Mel gave her a questioning look then went back to her game.

Why don’t we meet you there?

She asked him.

We?

He asked.

Mel and me.

She replied.

Oh…

Was his cryptic, not so much, reply. Had he thought she would deliver herself to his tender care all by her lonesome? Obviously he had no idea how we roll. No man left behind and other shit like that. I for one was beginning to have second thoughts already.

Is there a problem?

She asked him. Ready to say fuggedaboutit if there was.

No! no problem. I look forward to seeing you guys.

He said.

Cool.

She said. Mel was back to reading over her shoulder.

“Are you sure about this?” she asked Robyn.

“No.” Robyn replied.

“Well…since you’re set on moving on and all, you should probably see this. She clicked on her phone to a story about Chris and his little live-in leech shopping on Rodeo Drive the day before. The very day he was blowing up her phone, and sending her texts about how much sex they were not having.

“Hmmm.” Was all she said. Mel looked at her, trying to assess her true reaction. Robyn could be as inexpressive as a sphinx when she wanted to be. I tried to see what she was thinking too, but her walls were all up. She was keeping us all out.

Of course at this very point, Chris decided to text.

Hey. I hear you’re on the way back. I can’t wait to see you.

He said. Robyn stared at the message for a long time. The walls were down now and I could feel the confusion of emotion that swept through her; disbelief at his chutzpah, anger at his lies, hurt at all of it, betrayal that after everything, he was still with her, disbelief, irritation, annoyance, murderous thoughts…she was a mess of negative feelings. She viciously pressed the delete button on the message and threw her phone on the opposite seat, leaning back her chair and resolutely closing her eyes.

Half an hour later, Mel’s phone pinged.

“Its him.” She said staring at the message. No need to ask who him was.

“What are you telling me for? I’m off the roller coaster remember?” Robyn replied curtly.

“He wants to know if you’re okay and what time we’re getting there and if he can meet us at home.” Mel replied.

Robyn snorted, “But we’re going to New York.” She said.

“Yeah, I suppose he assumes its just a stopover.” Mel said.

“Well, its not is it?” Robyn replied curtly.

“Okay then, I’ll just tell him to fuck off shall I?” Mel asked skeptically.

“Yes, tell him to fuck the fuck off, never call me again, or write. Then block his fucking number from all our phones. Could you do that for me Mel?” Robyn asked, eyes closed, sounding extremely irritated.

“Sure baby.” Mel said.

“Thank you.” Robyn said turning away and resolutely pretending to be asleep.

G’morning….its morning there right?

The text woke her up.  We were supposed to fly out of London today but her ass was too lazy to get out of bed. Which was fine by me. I don’t like the cabin pressure in planes anyway. She stared at it for a while, before she summoned enough oxygen to her brain to look at who sent it…ugh, Christopha! She’d known as soon as she sent out that tweet about wanting to be a WAG that he’d been on her dick, riding her all night and all day about it. Wasn’t she the one who was supposed to be insecure and clingy? It was the girl right? Who was supposed to display those kinds of behaviours? Now what did he want?

What do you want Chrez?

She asked, her irritation discernible even through iOS.

What do I want? Wow, salty much?

Was Chris’ annoying reply. Robyn threw the phone on the nightstand and covered her head with the duvet. Time to go back to sleep. She was just dropping off into a comfortable doze when the message ping! Startled her awake again. She glared at the phone then picked it up to read the message.

So…everyone’s on my ass about that stupid rap. People threatening not to buy my shit and other shit.

Robyn stared at the message in annoyance then clicked the reply icon.

*looks behind me and to the side to discover who you’re talking to. Then realises its me.* Oops, you must have mistaken me for someone who cares.

Rude child. But I’m guessing she just wasn’t in the mood to deal with Chris’ version of reality right now. She was still kind of on a high from last night. Hell, we all were. It had been fun, drama free with lots of eye candy for whatever taste one might have. And I am quite the connosieur if I do say so moi self.

Robyn…*looks at her reproachfully* I’m trying to talk to you here.

Robyn snorted when she saw the message. By this time she’d decided to transfer the phone to under her pillow so she didn’t have to keep reaching for it when it pinged.

Chris…*looks under the pillow for a fuck to give. Doesn’t find one* I’m trying to sleep here.

This time she didn’t put her phone down but waited for the reply.

You’re mad at me. Why?

It was a fair question and Robyn stared at the ceiling trying to come up with an answer that wouldn’t take forever to type.

Its nothing.

She ended up writing.

Its not nothing. Tell me. *crawls all over your face like King Julien insisting, Tell me! Tell me!*

Robyn couldn’t help laughing when she saw that. She’d enjoyed that movie. It was called Madagascar and we’d seen it on the plane coming over. King Julien drunk and singing ‘Private Dancer’ had especially cracked her up. But she hadn’t told Chris about it. She had barely spoken to him since…but here he was, doing that thing he did.

“God, I need a life away from you!” Robyn said to herself. She heard the door being unlocked from the outside and dived back under the duvet to peep. Who could it be? It was housekeeping apparently, and they were going around the room like it was empty. Did they not see the lump in the bed?

Robyn?

Her phone pinged again, startling her.

Yeah yeah, I’m here.

She said.

Are you going to answer my question?

He asked.

You know the answer. How many times must we have a conversation before it sinks in Chrez? How’s the engagement coming on by the way? Fucked any interesting leeches lately?

Robyn  added a bitter rant about how he had the nerve to be on her case about some very extremely innocent partying when he was fucking groupies left and right and giving people rings. And then when he wanted something from her, when he needed her, oh yeah, then it was convenient to forget that he’d called her a whore, that he’d insulted her in front of the entire world without so much as a heads up!!! Oh yeah, but now he wanted to talk, now he wanted her to tell him that everything would be alright, that he would get through this, that the world wouldn’t hate him forever for insulting her. Selfish son of a bitch, bastard…but then she deleted it again because she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing just how much he had hurt her.

We hardly fuck anymore.

Was Chris’ unsatisfactory reply. Oh wow, give the guy a medal…sooo I guess she wasn’t just still on a high from last night.

Aww, what’s up Chris? Can’t get it up? Do you need some Viagra?

Robyn, I need us to stop fighting. Can we do that?

She’d almost fallen asleep again waiting for him to reply her snarky message. And here he was being all grown up and wanting to talk. Well, she didn’t want to listen.

No.

She replied. Then switched her phone to silent and went back to sleep.

The car arrived precisely at 8pm and so it was lucky that Adebayor had told them six o’ clock so they were almost ready. Robyn was doing a polka dot pattern on her nails which had been painstaking. Now she was drying her nails with the blow dryer. Mel was doing her toes in black and yellow stripes to go with her black jeans and yellow shirt. Robyn had on a little green dress to go with black and green polka dot nails and her green eyes. If I wasn’t totally gay I’d be whistling like a construction worker. They finished off the look withsix inch peep toes that showed off their gaily coloured nails. For someone who was supposed to be heart broken over her situation, she looked pretty gay and carefree. Football groupie.

The party was in full swing when the car dropped them off. There was Drogba there, who came over to say hello immediately, Rio Ferdinand was there too, with his plaited hair, I recognised him from the TV, thre were other footballers there as well, who I vaguely knew, but I didn’t know their names. There were some women too there, wives and girlfriends. The music was loud, African music, mostly Lingala, some Naija Music. People were doing really funny dances to it, since most of them didn’t know how to dance to Lingala. Adebayor showed them a few moves, and they even did a train. It was extremely amusing to watch frankly, especially the white dudes. Those people just have no rhythm. They treated Robyn and Mel like queens, showering them with gentlemanly attention, making sure their glasses were always full and they had enough of everything to eat. Fried chicken, plantain, pilau rice, various vegetables, roast meat, white wine, red wine, beer, salads and junk food. It was a feast, and anyone who was on diet put that aside for the night. The party got rowdier and rowdier, with jokes coming thick and fast and everyone wanting to dance with Robyn. She was having the time of her life.

“I totally want to become a WAG when we come over for the Olympics.” She shouted to Drogba as they were dancing. Drogba laughed and spun her around, right into Rio’s arms. He did an impromptu waltz with her across the room as she laughed with abandon. This was fun!

Of course her time with the footballers was blown all out of proportion by the tabloids and of course Christopher saw it, actually all he saw was tweets about her dancing with that pretty boy Rio Ferdinand, who in Chris’ mind was just her type. His laptop was thrown across the room as a result, causing some keys to fall out. So that’s why she wouldn’t forgive him? She was moving on with some soccer player?? What was it with her and sportsmen anyway? Fuck.

“Babe, let’s go shopping.” He shouted to K. her and Longines exchanged surprised looks…he never called her babe. What was happening??

“O-okay.” K replied quickly, hurrying to get her shoes.

Chris took her to Rodeo drive made sure that the paps caught them shopping. Just another happy go lucky couple, young and in love. Woo hoo. Not really.

She wanted to play tit for tat? She got it.

Robyn changed her clothes to go on set of her new tv show; she was very absentminded about it though, because her mind was far far away, reminiscing on how many times they’d gone through this cycle of fighting, apologizing, and making up, not really fixing what was wrong, sweeping things under the carpet and pretending all is well, burying it in sex.

She remembered that last December, before everything went to shit and life changed forever. She had been nervous because her family and Chris family were spending Christmas together. It seemed very natural after all. They wanted to spend Christmas together, but they also wanted to spend it with their families. So it made sense to bring the families together anyway.

“Are we going too fast? Is this too soon?” she’d asked him, “Maybe we should save the joint Christmases for after the wedding?”

“Oh ho, so you’re assuming there’s gonna be a weddin?” Chris had asked her laughing, “You know what they say about assuming don’tcha?” then he added in a lower tone, “Although with that ass of yours… its like you’re an ass all the time.”

She heard him anyway and lobbed a pillow at his head.

“Ey!” he cried clutching his head, she’d put some strength behind the blow, “What was that about?”

“Oh you know, me being an ass.” She stated walking out with an extra swing to her step just in case he missed the point. He didn’t.

“Damn.” He had murmured. She heard him and smirked to herself but kept walking.  Chris was so easy to distract. It wasn’t the gathering really that was worrying her though, it was the ring that was currently nestled in Chris’ sock drawer that he thought she didn’t know about. It was really waaay to soon for that and she knew why he’d gotten it. It was that situation with Natalie. She’d caught the girl practically nestled in Chris’ crotch during Sean’s pre-christmas do a week ago. He’d said she’d surprised him when he was coming back from the loo, but he hadn’t looked like he was trying to get away when she found them. In fact, he’d looked like he enjoyed whatever her hand was trying to do down there.

She had ran out of there and asked Mark to take her home right away. Then she’d started ripping Chris’ clothes from the closet and throwing them onto the landing. Chris had followed her home, he’d had to take a normal taxi because Mark had driven them both, and so he wasn’t in a real good mood. He did not like to put himself in vulnerable situations.

“Baby, what are you doing?” he’d asked her like it wasn’t obvious.

She had just continued to tear his clothes from the hangers, being extremely unmindful of whether she was tearing them or not.

“Baby stop.” Chris had tried again, trying to get hold of her hands. She tore herself away from him screaming.

“I WANT YOU OUT OF HERE!!” She cried as tears streamed down her face.

“Don’t be silly,  I live here.” Chris had said very calmly, making her madder. She’d launched herself at him and began beating on his back. He just stood there and let her. then he’d picked her up and carried her to the bed, dropping her on it and then immediately landing on top of her so she was pinned.

“Get the fuck off me you bastard!” she’d whispered viciously.

“No.” he’d said, and then he kissed her. or rather, he assaulted her mouth with his. She fought. With everything she had. But he knew her too well. Knew where to touch her, how to kiss her, when to be gentle and when to be rough. She could not resist him long, didn’t really want to. She definitely didn’t want him to actually go. She just wanted him to be only hers. As he had made love to her, she had cried.

“Shh baby, please don’t. I’m not worth your tears. I’m telling you as a friend. She’s definitely not worth your tears. It was all an extremely stupid misunderstanding. Please don’t cry. You know I hate when you cry.” He’d said to her, all the while kissing away her tears as his lower body pumped into her like the two were not connected.

“Come with me, baby, come with me. Oh God, I love you so much. You know that right. Come with me.” He’d said, groaning as his seed spilled into her. To her surprise and totally against her will, probably because she wasn’t paying it no mind, she came too with a long, drawn out moan. The satisfied look on his face because of it pissed her off even more and she’d pushed him off her and curled up into the foetal positon facing away from him. He’d began to kiss her shoulders, and her neck, murmuring promises and apologies. She’d just stared off into space.

Two days later, the ring had appeared in the sock drawer.

If his mother hadn’t stopped him asking, would I have said yes? She wondered to herself as she sat in her London hotel room. And how would that have ended? Probably the exact same way it did. They never talked about shit. They just ignored it, and hoped it would go away. What kind of fuck shit way was that for two grown intelligent people to behave? She picked up her phone and replied to his message.

We have issues Christopher, that won’t go away just because you say sorry, or I say I forgive you. Which I don’t, btw.

Mel poked her head in the door, urging her to hurry because the car was here. She told her that she’d packed her some breakfast to eat in the car. Robyn quickly wore some jeans and picked up her phone which rang even as she touched it.

Chris?

No, it was a strange number.

“Hello?’ she said into the receiver cautiously.

“Hey Robyn. This is Emmanuel Adebayor. Drogba gave me your number.” The voice said.

“Oh.” Robyn said, motioning Mel closer so they could both hear.

“I wanted to invite you to my birthday party that am having tomorrow. Can you make it?” he asked.

“Er, yes I think so.” Robyn said eyes widening at Mel for confirmation. Mel shrugged then nodded her head.

“Good, I will send a car for you.” Adebayor said. Robyn opened her mouth to say it was fine, they could just find the address if he told them where, but he’d already hung up.

She looked at her phone in stupefaction as Mel pulled her from the room. There was a new message. She clicked on it as she trusted Mel to guide her the right way without making her trip.

I don’t care if you don’t forgive me. I’m never giving up on you.

The question was, how was he going to be able to show her?

Chris looked around the room as if seeing it for the first time. Clothes were strewn everywhere, and there was a thin layer of dust on the dresser. K was supposed to keep it tidy but she wasn’t one for housekeeping. She really should find something she could do though. If Robyn decided to give them another chance, she’d want Kae gone – he knew that. But he’d taken her from her minimum wage job and gotten her used to this life. Was he supposed to throw her out on the street now? Chris thought back to three years ago, when everyone had metaphorically thrown him out in the street. When Robyn had left him high and dry…he manfully repressed the residual resentment he still felt at that, telling himself he had deserved it. Yes, he had, but they’d said forever, they’d said through thick and thin. And then she’d just up and left. No lookbacks, nothing. Long before the courts had said they couldn’t see each other, she was just…gone.

Chris sat there and let that percolate, frowning hard.

“Babe? I don’t appreciate the way that you just spoke to me. You need to treat me with more respect.” K said striding back into the room. Chris transferred his frown to her. She wasn’t the one he was mad at, but she was there.

“You want more respect? Maybe you should try having some more self-respect. What is it that you do anyway? Apart from fucking for your rent that is. Look at this place, it’s a total mess!” He snapped at her.

She stared at him in surprise and disbelief, and then began to pick up the clothes from the floor, resentment in every gesture. Chris almost felt sorry for snapping at her. Almost. But the room was a mess, it needed to be cleaned so instead he walked out onto the balcony to smoke a blunt and think about what he could do to show Robyn that this time it was different. That he was willing to do anything and everything for her.

He turned around to face K.

“I need you to find something that you can do.” He said.

“What do you mean?” K asked, pausing her wiping of the dressser to stare at him.

“I mean…what talents do you have? What can you do?” Chris said, but his tone wasn’t too pleasant.

“I…I can model. I did some headshots and auditions-“ K began.

“I’m being serious.” Chris interrupted.

K stared at him with her mouth open. That nigga had just interrupted her and rubbished her dreams in one sentence? Who did that?

“So am I.” she said breathlessly.

“Look, Karrueche, you’re a four foot nine person, in heels. Have you ever seen any Victoria’s Secret models who are dwarves?” Chris asked her rather brutally. Percolating wasn’t a healthy pass time at all.

K stared at him in disbelief, looked like mean asshole Chris was in full effect. She continued to wipe the counter.

“Can you sell clothes?” Chris asked after a time.

“Why do you ask?” K asked irritably.

“Because we have to find you something to do before…” Chris trailed off.

“Before…?” K inquired.

“Before I go completely broke tryna support your shopping habit.” Chris said.

“That’s not fair.” K protested.

“Look, think about how you can make yourself useful to the citizens of LA and let me know by the end of the day. okay?”, Chris said walking out of the room without waiting for a reply.

When Chris hung up, Robyn sat on the bed staring off into space. She’d picked up because she wasn’t thinking, and she’d thought that Mijo was calling back because he forgot to tell her something. That’s why she’d answered, “Yes?” and then she’d heard his voice and her stomach had dropped into her shoes along with what was left of her heart. He’d sounded so good, with his deep scratchy voice and his assertiveness, and how sure he was that she would forgive him…eventually. As long as he kept trying.

‘Am I kidding myself though? Is it because I know that he’ll always be back, he’ll always choose me? No matter how many times he screws up, does fucked up things. I know he loves me. Or do I just not know any better? Is there better? Do I owe it to myself to find out? How do I even do that?’ The questions went round and round in her head. There was a knock at the door.

“Hey, you awake? We need to go.” Mel said sticking her head in the room.

“How are you not hungover? Or still drunk?” Robyn asked her resentfully.

Mel smiled, “lots and lots of water. I told you to drink din’t I?” she asked.

Robyn stuck her tongue out at Mel and dragged herself off the bed, grabbing the first things that her hands latched on and heading for the shower. Mel came in and sat on the bed, shifting through her clothes to find something better. Robyn managed to look good in anything she wore, but she would recording for TV so better safe than sorry.

Robyn’s message alert went off and she picked up the phone without thinking.

‘Chris?’ Mel saw, and sighed. Her voice mail deleting duties had petered off slightly lately but apparently, she wasn’t out of a job yet. She clicked on the message and read.

Hey, so I miss u. Was it just ten minutes ago I was talking to you? It feels like forever.

Mel stared at the message in shock. They were speaking now?

Robyn came out of the bathroom and saw her.

“You’re talking to Chris now?” Mel asked her.

“I talked to him. Once. There’s a difference.” Robyn clarified.

“Well, you have a message.” Mel said, holding out the phone to Robyn. She took it and stared at the message as Mel stared at her, eyebrows raised.

“Did I just create a monster?” Robyn asked softly.

Mel’s brows rose higher but she said nothing.

“I didn’t even mean to speak to him you know? I’m not ready for sunshine and roses. We have problems.” Robyn continued.

“Yes, you do.” Mel agreed, “So, what are you going to do?”

Robyn sighed throwing her head back, “ARRGGGHH!” she exclaimed.

“There you are, what’s this about us gettting married?” Chris asked K as she came into the room.

“What’dyu mean?” K asked feigning ignorance.

“I hear you’re telling people we’re engaged.” Chris said, eyes narrowed, face closed.

“Why would I do that?” K asked nervously, picking things up and putting them down.

“Because you’re messy? You like the attention?” Chris stated, more than asked.

“That’s not nice.” K protested.

“No, but its true.” Was Chris’ reply.

“So if you don’t like me so much, why am I still here?” K asked coming to pose in front of Chris as he sat shirtless on his bed.

“That is a good question.” Chris murmured to himself, “Perhaps I’m a glutton for punishment.”

“Or maybe…you love me.” K said. Chris stared at her in disbelief. Then he burst out laughing. He laughed so hard he fell off the bed, and actually rolled on the floor. Apparently that expression ROTFLMAO actually can happen exactly like that. Well, his ass didn’t actually come off, but it was a close thing. By the time he was finished, his eyes were red with the tears rolling down his cheeks and he was so weak with mirth he couldn’t stand.

“It wasn’t that funny…” K murmured softly to herself, deeply offended at the laughter.

“I’m….I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh. Its just…Oh my God, the way that you said. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like you well enough, and you’re easy on the eyes and shit, but…love? Surely you didn’t think…you didn’t did you?” Chris asked, suddenly serious there at the end.

“I thought that we could possibly have…something.” K said.

“Something like…?” Chris inquired caustiously.

K shrugged a tad sulkily. Chris stared at her for a moment then turned away.

“You know who it is that I love, I haven’t hidden it from you, or anyone.”he said, staring at the wall.

“It’ll never work with her though, you know? There’s too much-“ K said.

“WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Chris shouted, interrupting her.

K shut her mouth with a snap and then marched out. Chris turned and watched her go…shaking his head. He strode to his phone and dialled her number without thinking about it.

“Yes?” she said, startling him. It wasn’t voicemail, it was her actual voice.

“Robyn?” he asked uncertainly.

“I do believe this is my number. Did you want someone else?” she enquired with pseudo-sarcasm.

“No, I’ve never wanted anyone else.” Chris told her, asking the literal question.

“Never? That’s a bloody long time. You’re sure you don’t want to rephrase?” she asked politely.

“Robyn…stop.” Chris pleaded.

“Stop…? What?” Robyn feigned ignorance as to what he was asking.

“Stop being obtuse. Talk to me.” He said.

“You called me.” Robyn pointed out.

“So I did. I just wanted to find out if you’ve forgiven me yet.” Chris said.

“Forgiven you…? For…?”, Robyn asked.

“That stupid song.” Chris said.

“I need specifics. So much going on in my life right now. Its hard to keep up.” Robyn said.

Chris sighed irritably, “Robyn…” he said.

“No..you don’t get to Robyn me Christopher.” Robyn said, her voice suddenly cold as ice.

Chris sat up straight. She was a lot madder than she was letting on. And hurt. Fuck.

“Robyn, did you hear any of my voicemails?” he asked softly.

“Nooo…I didn’t. but I can imagine what they said, “I didn’t mean it Robyn. I love you Robyn. You’re mistaken Robyn. Three bags full Robyn.”  Robyn said bitterly.

Chris’ eyes closed and he sighed. What could he say to fix this? “What can I do Robyn? Tell me what to do.” He pleaded.

Robyn was silent, but Chris could feel the waves of anger and bitterness coming down the line. He thought frantically, what to do?

“What if I show you? What if I show you just how sorry I am?” he asked her.

“I don’t know Christopher,” Robyn said tiredly, “I just don’t know.”

“But…will you give me a chance?” Chris persisted.

“My grandmother is sick Christopher. I don’t have time for your shenanigans right now.” Robyn said.

“I want to be there for you, and her, and everyone else. I want to be that guy you can lean on. Just say you’ll give me a chance.” Chris persisted.

“I won’t close the door on you, but that’s all I got.” She said.

“Okay, I’ll take it.” Chris said in relief.

“I need to go, I have work to attend to.” Robyn said.

“Thank you for picking up.” Chris said.

Robyn was silent.

“And I’m not engaged, just in case…” Chris added.

“I know.” Robyn said.

“You are entirely too sure of yourself.” Chris complained.

“No. I just know you too well Christopher Maurice Brown.” Robyn said, Chris detected the slight thawing in her voice.

“I know you too Robyn Rihanna Fenty.” Chris replied.

“Do you?” Robyn asked feigning disinterest.

“Yes, I do. And I do love you, whether you believe it or not.” Chris continued.

“Bye boy.” Robyn said, but Chris heard the surpressed laughter in her voice and his spirits lifted. There was some hope yet.

Robyn snorted so hard, there was a bit of mucus showing out of her nose. Mel handed her a tissue.

“Let’s see this so-called engagement” she said wiping her nose.

Mel searched twitter until she found K’s page. They saw the picture she’d posted, and the caption. Robyn stared at it for a full five minutes without saying a word, then she howled with laughter.

“this bitch ain’t shit.” She said with a sneer, “I’m speechless? Really? How dumb does she think we are? And if Chris is behind this shit, he is even more ain’t shit than she is. Hoe nigga.”

“Sooo, you’re saying its some stupid stunt they pullin?” Mel asked sceptically.

“Think about it for a minute. Christopher asking that rice cake to marry him? He been blowing up my phone just last week, trying to get me to talk to him. You think he suddenly decided that he wants to marry that little stupid bitch?” Robyn asked rather aggressively Mel thought.

“Don’t hold back. Let it all out.” Mel said amused.

Robyn gave her a look then went back to uploading her pic with Drogba and captioning it.

#theeDrogba #thereisaGod!

Mel looked at her caption and laughed, “That’s the spirit, girl. We should leave though. We have a whole day of recording tomorrow.”

“Oh yeah, Adam called me already. We start at 9am sharp.” Robyn said.

Suddenly Didier came up behind them and tapped Robyn on shoulder, “Hey Robyn, we’re going out to the club after this, wanna join us?” he asked.

Robyn and Mel exchanged glances. Nothing more needed to be said.

“Of course we will.” Robyn said with a huge grin on her face.

“Great.” Didier said, “here’s the address. Do you know London well?”

“Second home, don’t worry.” Robyn said smiling.

“I’ll leave your name with the bouncer so he can let you into VIP. Or…wait. Do you need that?” Didier asked smiling.

“I think I can manage to get in.”Robyn said smiling back. Didier gave her a thumbs up and told them he’d see them later.

“who needs sleep anyway?” Robyn asked Mel after he’d left.

“Right. Quick trip to the hotel to touch up first?” Mel asked.

“Definitely.” Robyn agreed.

Chris was looking over twitter as he prepared for bed, so when the phone rang he was a bit startled.

“Hallo.” He said.

“Hey, I hear congratulations are in order.” Mijo’s voice came down the line.

“Really? What I do?” Chris asked with complete disinterest. The silence from London was total.

”You’re getting married to the leech you live with, haven’t you heard?” Mijo said in full sarcastic mode.

“No…the groom is always the last to know. Who’s saying so?” Chris asked, with marginally more interest.

“She is.” Mijo said and waited for it.

“WHAT!?!!” Chris asked to Mijo’s gratification.

“So you didn’t know?” he asked just to make sure.

“No!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Chris exclaimed.

“Yeah, well, you are.” Mijo informed him.

“Would Robyn know about this?” Chris asked thoughtfully, thinking that maybe that was why she was so silent.

“Does she follow your lil parasite?” Mijo asked.

“Not as far as I know.” Chris said.

“then I guess not… Unless someone made it their business to tell her.” Mijo qualified.

“Should I call her? No she’s not talking to me. Could you call her?” Chris asked him.

“Don’t you think you’re kind of missing the point here? Your rice cake is going around implying you’re engaged. Its in the blogs. You need to deal with that.” Mijo said.

“Yeah yeah. Are you gonna call her or not?” Chris asked.

“I’ll call her, but you need to nip this in the bud, and rein in your little pet.” Mijo said hanging up.

Chris stared thoughtfully at his phone, wondering if he should send a text. But she was paying him no mind in the first place, and furthermore, why should he look thirsty? If she wanted to know if he was engaged, she had his number.

Mijo called in the morning which was a good thing because it woke Robyn up.

“H-hello, what? Hello?” she said stumbling out of bed, getting tangled in the sheets and falling on the floor. Luckily the carpet was thick so she wasn’t hurt.

“You okay Robyn?” Mijo asked.

“Yeah, I’m good, how are you?” Robyn asked standing up then sitting down on the bed, feeling dizzy from the abrupt change in height and the alcohol in her system.

“Fine. Chris asked me to call you.” Mijo said.

“Why?” Robyn asked eyes closed, hand slung across her eyes. The light was painful.

“He wanted you to know that the engagement thingy is just fuckery.” Mijo said.

“I know.” Robyn replied.

“You do?” Mijo asked surprised, “how?”

“Well for one thing, if they were really engaged, I’m sure she’d say more than ‘I’m speechless’. It’d be more like, ‘I’m getting married to Chris Brown! Bitches…or some shit like that. Besides, Chris? Married? Can you even picture it?” Robyn asked derisively.

“No…unless it was to you.” Mijo said.

Robyn snorted again, so hard she felt like she’d been punched in the nose, “Yeah, that’s not happening.” She said.

“Hope springs eternal.” Mijo said sagely.

“Bye!” Robyn said, and actually hung up. She really did not want to go there.

Chris checked his google alerts as soon as they got in the house. Watch the throne concert in London huh? Getting on stage with Jay-Z and Kanye West? Historih  huh? How cute. Had she fucked both of them or just one? This shit was suspect as hell. He clicked off his phone and went back to the party. There were enough girls here to lose his mind in; why think about just one though?

He accepted the blunt that someone placed in his hand and went to sit in between K and Timex. K immediately put her short feet in his lap and Longines leaned against him. There was some random girl in between her legs and her hair was tickling his balls. It felt good.

“This is the life.” He said aloud to no-one in particular. K heard him however and leaned in to kiss his cheek. Menstrual hair guy came strolling along with a drink for him and fat guy with dreads asked him what music he wanted to listen to.

“Put on some Birthday Cake.” He slurred, “its someone’s birthday ain’t it?” he asked the room at large.

There was a loud cheer for K and her birthday.

“Presents!” K announced going over to the pile of presents at the corner.

“Oh aye, lets do that. What’d I getchu?” Chris asked.

K picked up a gaudily wrapped small box from the pile on the floor, “This.” She said.

“Oooh, what’s ‘this’ ?” Chris asked perking up with interest. K unwrapped the gift and Chris saw the Cartier box inside it with misgiving, how expensive had this gift been exactly?

She took out…two rings. Chris heaved a sigh of relief. Not too bad actually. Quality but not extravagant. He could deal.

“oooh!” the girls in the room squealed gathering around to look at the rings as K put them on her fingers, admiring how they looked on her. Thirsty bitches, Chris thought, they’d probably tear K’s eyes out to take her place. It made him feel better about things, to know that there were still girls willing to do anything to be in his vicinity. If Robyn wanted to play hard, well, he could play hard too. Let her have those industry niggas. Ain’t one of them could give her what he could. And she knew it. She’d be back, watch.

He smiled to himself at this thought, suddenly feeling much lighter.

“What you smilin’ about dawg?” fat guy with dreads asked him.

“Nothin’…just…nothin.” Chris replied, still smiling.

“Yeah okay, so what time you want us to throw these hoes out?” fat guy asked.

“Let ‘em stay. They’re not disturbing anyone are they?” Chris asked blowing smoke in fat guy’s face.

“Nah…I just thought maybe you…” fat guy’s voice trailed off. With Chris’ mood swings it was hard to predict what he wanted from one moment to the next.

K was on her phone, uploading pics Chris could see, while her friends whispered and giggled around her.  Probably being messy, Chris observed. Good. They could be messy for him, and maybe Robyn would…no. Robyn was in the past, fuck her. He was on to this new shit for real.

Meanwhile we were having the time of our lives in London. Kanye’s new girlfriend had been a bit salty that Robyn was allowed backstage when she had had to jump through a few hoops just to get there, but Robyn gave her a deep and sincere hug and complimented her skin and her ‘crazy’ figure and she was eating out of her hand, just like the rest of us.

“Yo Robyn, you comin to help us Run this Town tonight?” Shawn asked her as she came up to him.

“You know it.” Robyn said grinning at him. She was excited that they wanted her on stage with them. This tour was the biggest thing going on right now, and no-one was allowed on stage with them two. Except her.  It never got old. Fuck you love life, this was living.

The crowds were crazy out there, and Robyn had so much fun on stage. Shawn and Kanye were like family to her, a closed clique, just the three of us, conquering the world. It felt good to be on stage with them again. Robyn had forgotten about things that made her feel good with all her obsessing over …no, she wouldn’t think it. She flung her arms around one, then the other as they got to the climax of Run this Town. The crowds went wild as they took a bow.

“This is the life.” She said to no-one in particular.

“Yes, it is.” Kanye answered her nevertheless.

She run off stage to where Mel was waiting for her.

“Hey.” Mel told her, grabbing her arm as soon as she appeared, “guess who’s here.”

“Who?” Robyn asked, still on a high from her performance.

“Didier Drogba.” Mel said.

“No.” Robyn squealed.

“Yes.” Mel replied. Apparently Robyn was a fan of this Drogba dude. Hmm, he must be something else, I couldn’t wait to meet him.

“Where?” Robyn asked breathlessly.

Mel pointed at him. He was standing in the crowd, watching the show. A tall dark well-built dude with  slightly long hair. Cute. Ooh, was he single? Maybe he and Robyn could link up! But no, there was a woman at his side, and their hands were linked. Sigh. Oh well, let’s go meet him. Come on Robyn, move your feet. But Robyn was just frozen, staring at him. Apparently stars can be star struck too.

The Drogba guy turned his head though, and saw her staring. He smiled at her, and put up his hand in tentative greeting. That was all she needed. Robyn grinned and went over.

“Hi.” She said, her voice embarrassingly high. Would she start drawing maps on the ground next, “I’m Robyn.” She continued putting out her hand to be shaken.

“Didier.” He replied in a very sexy accent and a very deep voice. Oooh, me like. I’m gay, leave me be.

Mel let out a small squeal of excitement behind me, but quickly suppressed it. ‘Didier’ looked in her direction in inquiry though so Robyn did the honours.

“Oh, this is my friend Mel.” She said, still in that breathless voice. The woman with ‘Didier’ was smiling slightly at them.

Didier shook Mel’s hand, “Very nice to meet you.” He said. Mel just nodded dumbly. Wow, these girls. I went nearer Mel and nudged her elbow. Don’t know if she felt it or what but she started.

“Oh, can we get a picture?” she asked raising her iphone.

“Sure.” Didier said and Robyn moved to his side so that Mel could snap it. Her face was glowing. I guess Chris was a distant memory right about now. She and Mel exchanged places so that Robyn could get a photo of Mel and Didier. After they spoke a bit about how much they enjoyed each other’s talents. This Didier was a football player for a club called Chelsea which was Robyn’s team (or so she said – I for one just think she was totally fangirling him)  and he said how much he enjoyed her music. He asked Mel about what she did and she told him about her photography. He said he’d like to see some pictures. Lots of blushing and fanning themselves from the girls. Honestly, these two. I haven’t seen them like this…ever. Too bad he was taken. That didn’t stop him from inviting them to a party. Apparently some other player called Adebayor was having a birthday party the next night.

You should see the way her eyes lighted up like “Ooh my God!”. Robyn is such a football groupie! Who knew?

They said goodbye to him and went off a way before they started screaming with excitement.

“Oh my God, did we just talk to Didier Drogba?” Mel asked.

“And get invited to a party.” Robyn added, “Damn I have to instagram this one. This is one for the ages.” She added getting her phone out. Mel got her phone out too, to look at her photos. She saw that her mentions were going off on twitter so she clicked on them to check out what was going on. Probably guys being excited about Robyn being on stage for the Watch the Throne tour.

When she saw what people were @ing her about though, she frowned.

“Huh. That is strange.” She murmured.

“What is?” Robyn asked preoccupied.

“Apparently the little rice cake is announcing her engagement.” Mel said staring at Robyn in a ‘should I be telling you this?’ type way.

“To whom?” Robyn asked in surprise.

“Chris I guess.” Mel said with a grimace.

I’m speechless, it said. Yeah, so m’ I. 

When Rihanna started to talk about Chris in interviews, she said she had very private reasons for taking him back, and if it was a mistake, it was her mistake. She also said she was paying attention to the signs, and I for one found that story very interesting. I even did a post on it so I won’t repeat it here. But basically her eyes were wide open and she was paying attention.

When Chris began to speak on the same, the first interviews were very PG, very politically correct, still Chris Brown, but the cleaned up version of him. As the interviews progressed, they got a little more ratchet, a lot more unrehearsed, a lot more interesting, a lot more unfiltered. So some things made a lot of people frown. Personally what stands out for me is his response to “who would win if they fought?” question. When Rih talks about being disrespected, this is what I think about. Together with him saying that at one point, he’d heard that pictures of them kissing were selling for a million dollars and he was like, the guy could have just offered to split it with me…Dis.res.pect.ful. And then of course he told some stories, I remember when he told Sway about K and Rih meeting he mentioned that he was saying “No, I’m not with her, I love only you.” Which I think would have been directed to K. and I remember Rih tweeting something in July last year about how you’re getting little less than the dick, and not even that so much. So him saying that might have sounded like he lied to her before about the exact nature of their relationship. He said they were more like friends, so it’s a contradiction, a lie. And God knows Rih hates lies. As for the loyalty, I believe it was kpu42 who said it best at the time, that Chris was putting Rih and K on the same level. And it was K’s level to make it worse. So Loyalty, Honesty, Disrespect. I remember we said she’d set him straight that weekend when she came home. But I think she really meant it when she said ‘he has no room to fuck up’.

Now, Hollywood life…they have a source in Chris’ camp. Chris all but admitted him in his Angie Martinez interview. Not a well-informed source. But there is one. And you remember just before Rih came back HL had a story about how they had big plans that did not involve candlelight dinners. Implying hot sex was on the menu. Again. Disrespectful. I say this because when Rih came, she did go out for a candlelight dinner, without Chris. Like phuckyocandlelightdinners already.

So I’m guessing when she rolled into town he was waiting or she called him and they met and she told him ‘you know what? This ain’t working for me.’

And he was like, ‘you’re bluffing.’

And she said something like, ‘no, I am not.’

So she goes out for dinner with the Nguyen chick, goes out with her girls, spends the next day with her mom, birthday shopping. She didn’t even wish Chris good luck in court or acknowledge that the day might be difficult for him in any way. So he probably starting thinking, ‘shit, she ain’t bluffing.’ So he went and bought something hugely expensive in the form of a ring, and he turned up at her concert that night and went to her tour bus, where he maybe found Mel and asked her to get him a backstage pass because he had something he needed to give Rih. Since he arrived at 8pm, I assume Rih was already backstage doing make up and what not. So before her last set, he went and gave her 48 carrots and told her some pretty things that made her heart melt again. She did Stay and Diamonds and went home with him, to her house. They surprised Mel in the morning with cake. (it was a male hand that lighted the candle on that cake) and spent the day together, the next day they went to see Wiz and Amber’s baby. Then Rih got sick and Chris went to NY. Maybe she used the time to watch the rest of the interviews about foam parties and how mixed women look with foam dripping from their bodies, and him urging girls to come half naked to DJ Prostyle’s party. And she was like No. Robyn are you going to take this bullshit again? No.

To add wood to that fire, pregnancy rumours. So she’s annoyed that she’s sick, Chris is talking shit, even if its just him being stupid and unthinking, and now people are saying she’s pregnant. The straw that broke the camel’s back?

Now I don’t know if she told him to his face or in that long ass conversation she was having on the phone before she got on the plane. I’m guessing she told him in person because she’s brave like that, and then he was blowing up her phone all the way to the airport, coming up with arguments. Why do you believe these lies? Why you don’t wanna compromise? You’re making a mistake. Don’t listen to them bitches, they don’t know us. Don’t let this shit come between us. I love you. Please. Please. Please. So she gave her phone away to I think it was Mel.

Anyway, then she posted that pic of herself in the cockpit “Just me and my cockpit” with her face  turned away. I thought it was strange at the time, and I think it was a message. “Just me.” No more “us”. The next day or so, Chris had another radio interview where the presenter was asked not to ask him about Rih. And the other interview he did when the guy asked him how it feels to have the love of his life back and he said, ‘cheesing from ear to ear’….Chris Brown don’t talk like that. That was so staged.

But of course Chris was calling and arguing and saying you don’t mean it and so she posts some provocatively posted pic of her hand wearing a gold bracelet in a pose that could be construed…I remember Hood posted ‘she fuckin’ I believe on his twitter and Chris unfollowed her. Probably for two reasons; he didn’t want to see anymore pics, and he wanted to get a rise out of her. The rise he got was her pushing him further away by following Drake. (frankly I was just waiting for her to follow Frank Ocean next).

So he released “I Can’t Win” because singing has worked for him before. And maybe she softened enough to send a text. Maybe saying that he needed to be better if he wanted her in his life. Hope. So he releases the pussy song the next day talmbout how ‘I know you see me blowing up your phone. Girl, stop playing”. And it looks like y’all were right. He probably did re-record it the night before.

So then his mother and family go for her concert and she treats them like family and that lifts Chris’ mood. Gives him hope. He starts talking about going to NY for his birthday. Maybe Rih actually does soften enough to answer her phone. Then on 29^th Beat It video comes out and he’s twerking in practically his underwear only for a group of girls. Last last straw. Camel back, broken. He probably wearing out his keypad typing texts to her. No reply. People ask her what she’s got planned for May 5^th and she says ‘a concert’. Oops. We are at the “I’m totally pretending you don’t exist” portion of the relationship. Time to call in the back ups. K starts hanging out with Chris again. He gives interview saying he’s not focused on wifeing her.

No happy birthday wishes from Rih, N.O.T.H.I.N.G at all. He gets drunk, throws up, after trying to text her and she’s still like ‘You do not Exist for me Anymore’. He goes on twitter and starts talking about loving from a distance. She shuts him the fuck down. So now Chris is acting out, “look at me, I’m having fun. I don’t need you!” too much Déjà vu. Rih is not just keeping it moving. She’s out.

“We can’t put off London anymore.” Mel said.

“I know. I know we gotta go, tomorrow okay?” Robyn said as they headed to the club.

“Fine. I’ll call the pilot.” Mel said searching for her phone.

“Its late. Maybe you should wait until tomorrow?” Robyn said.

“Nah, I don’t want any flip flopping. No saying one more day. we on that plane tomorrow.” Mel told her.

“Why do you care so much?” Robyn asked her curiously.

“Because…I don’t want you to lose focus or become that girl who curls up into a ball because she broke up with her boyfriend.” Mel said.

“Since when do I ever do that?” Robyn protested.

“You don’t. But…this is different. Last time, you had to go. This time…this time you’re choosing to turn your back. I know it can’t be easy. You’ve loved him for so long.” Mel said awkwardly.

“Yeah…I have. But what has it ever gotten me except heartbreak Mel? Why should I be sad to leave that behind?” Robyn asked, her voice kind of breaking on the last word.

“Because it wasn’t all bad.” Mel said in a low tone.

“Yeah. And isn’t that a bitch?” Robyn said wryly.

“In a way, it’s a good thing you know? Who wants to remember a relationship as all bad?” Mel asked.

“It’d make him a whole lot easier to forget…” Robyn countered.

“If you were going to forget him, you’d have done it by now. You just have to accept that you love him, and its over, and try to get over it.” Mel said.

“You’re right. Let’s go to London.” Robyn decided.

The party was loud and drunken and Robyn didn’t hold back.  In the morning, when we got on the plane, she was still quite high.

“Hey Chris! So I was thinking about inviting Draya to my party. Do you mind?” K asked Chris as he pretended to eat cereal. There was no reply.

“Chris!” K shouted.

“Why are you shouting?” Chris asked irritably.

“You’re not listening to me.” K answered just as irritably.

“Do whatever you want. Its your party.” Chris replied going back to his pseudo-eating. He’d called Bu that morning, who had told him Robyn was off to London. He wanted to feel relieved, or indifferent. But all he felt was anxious and angry and depressed. He felt like screaming really loudly and breaking things. Instead he smoked a blunt and ignored everyone.

“It doesn’t look to me like you’re totally interested in my party.” K complained.

“I am.” Chris said shortly. He picked up his phone and went to twitter.

Happy birthday beautiful

He wrote. Then he turned his phone to show it to her.

“See. I am interested.” He said.

K shrugged and went off in a huff to choose her outfit. She was excited about Greystone tonight anyway. Chris was very generous with his money if not himself.  And he’d promised to be there tonight which was good. And it’d give her a chance to get some more pictures, tank these rumours going around about Chris and that woman. And after her party, she would give Chris a present to remember her by. That woman too…

She searched in her closet for her shortest white shorts and  a midriff baring shirt. She tried several outfits on before she latched on to one she was happy with. And the highest heels she could find. Okay she couldn’t be as tall as her but she could look really really hot. Chris was a fool if he didn’t see that she was prettier and hotter than that Rihanna woman with her big forehead and her freakishly long arms and legs. What woman looked like that anyway?

“Hey, so what plans for tonight?” Patek Phillipe aasked coming into the room.

“Party like its 1999?” K suggested.

“What does Chris say about it?” Longines asked.

“He’s down.” K said, but not very certainly.

“He looks down. As in in the dumps.” Casio quipped, not very cleverly.

“the bitch blocked him didn’t she?” K said bitterly.

“Yep. He still after her though isn’t he?” Timex asked.

“He doesn’t seem to know how to stop.” K said her face twisting in anger, “I don’t know what to do about it.”

“Don’t think about making him stop then. Think about making her stop. Making her turn her back on him forever.” Patek said.

“How?” K asked.

“What would make her leave forever?” Casio asked.

“Marriage?”  K joked.

Timex looked thoughtfully at her, then made a non-committal face full of #butI’msleepdoe…

“Nooo…” K said staring at her like, could I really??

Patek shrugged.

The whole crew turned up at Greystone. Chris, his fat guy with dreads friend, other friend with menstrual hair,  light brights who were related to Chris as well as Swatch, Draya and random girls they picked up on the way.

“Hey, let’s take this party to the house!” Chris suggested.

“Yaaahhhh!!” the party chorused heading for the exit. 

I didn’t realise how exhausting other people’s emotions were until I literally could not go near my laptop for trying to avoid them. Now that I’ve had a rest, I still don’t want to get into my inbox so…I don’t know when those questions or comments in there will be answered. However, fanfic resumes at some point today.

I will say though, that I hope acceptance has found you guys. Before I logged off, I saw people accusing Rihanna of playing games by hanging out with JR Smith or something. I don’t think that she is. I think that she’s ruthlessly cutting that cord. Last time, when they were sort of together, sort of not, she was scrupulous in not being seen with other guys, unless she was playing his game, this time she wants us to know she’s not waiting around. She’s not waiting for anyone to get their act together or not. She is moving on swiftly. I for one, applaud her for it. How long can they mark time on this spot? People have to move, and grow, or they stagnate. That’s what Chris has been doing for four years. Stagnating. And it contributed to them not being able to make it work. One is stuck in the past, the other had moved forward and was looking toward the future.

Besides comparison is the basis for all life. I hope they both date other people. Real people; not drones, hangers on or groupies. Chris can finally found out how it  feels like to be on a date with someone who is not Rihanna, and Rihanna can find out that all guys are idiots, not just Chris. I mean I’m an all or nothing gal myself, so I totally get her dropping him like a hot potato, but she’s also not really been with anyone else for so long, she probably  forgot that all guys are kids. Being able to compare her relationship with Chris to her relationship with someone else…well, it’ll give her a basis for real comparison on how  bad, or good, it actually was. And if he psychic is right and this break is temporary, then…they will have a new appreciation of each other, coming from a place of  ‘wow, I did not know how bad it is out there’.  

And if they don’t well, they don’t.

I just hope that Chris doesn’t go back to marking time. This was his choice too. So he must live with it. He must grow from it, which means really living. He must stop existing, find himself again. Much as I hate to admit it, Drake clocked him good. His insecurities have been his downfall. He is insecure about her, and that’s why he couldn’t  quite meet her standards of loyalty, honesty and respect.  He is insecure about himself. He’s lost his core of certainty. The only thing he seems to be certain about is his love for her. But unless he finds himself again, he will lose her forever.

Unless he has already. She might be at the ‘cry me a river’ stage. I don’t know. Let’s wait and see.

Meanwhile, let’s just leave them to it for a bit. Give them time and space to grieve and find a way to move on.

Ten O’ th’ Clock in the morning found Chris at Uncle Mark’s office, waiting for some client to leave. He smoked copiously as he waited as the secretary shot him disapproving looks. But he was one of Mark’s most profitable clients, so if he wanted to smoke in the office, there was very little she could do about it. Except low key glare.

Chris was very aware that he was annoying her, and it was helping to lift his mood. Being able to majorly influence someone else’s emotions right now was very satisfying. Especially since it was annoyance. Though he seemed to be becoming a pro at annoying people these days…

“Chris. How are you?” Mark asked appearing at the door.

“I’m good. How are you?” Chris asked standing up and shaking his hand.

“Good. Come in. Sheree, would you get Chris some coffee?” Mark said addressing his secretary, “Or would you prefer tea?” he asked Chris.

“Coffee’s good.”  Chris said stubbing out his cigarette and following Mark into his office.

“So about this Symphonic Love Foundation, tell me your thoughts.” Mark said sitting in his chair. Chris took a seat opposite him.

“Well, you know I’ve been doing all this charity work right? And I’ve been talking to the people at Best Buddies and other charitable organisations about maybe lending my name to help raise awareness and also partner with them in their work.” Chris said, “well, I need to register my foundation, come up with a constitution and you know, other shit like that.  I’ll need some administrators and come up with a mechanism for day to day running. I mean I know I have other commitments and I can’t be there on a day to day basis, but I’d like to be involved as much as possible.”

“Have you thought about funding? How will you sustain the foundation?” Mark asked.

“Well, as you know, I paint…or rather, spray paint. There are some art galleries that have shown interest in my work, and I’d like to sell some pieces and any money that can be made from that would go towards the foundation. That’s one way we can do it. I’m sure we can brainstorm and come up with other ways to raise cash. I could do a benefit and other things like that.”

“Well, I’m glad to see you’ve given this some real thought. I’ll get the ball rolling for you registration-wise…” Mark paused, staring at Chris speculatively, “There’s one more thing though, which I’d like to discuss if you don’t mind.” He said slowly.

“Yeah?” Chris asked.

“Yeah, you see Tina called me. The label is concerned about the recent happenings in your personal life and the resultant repercussions. Tina asked me if I would mind speaking to you about it.” Mark said a bit uncomfortably. He knew this was out of his purview. But Chris was a friend as well as a client and if he could help him in any way, he would.

“Okay, what ‘happenings’ specifically are you talkin’ bout?” Chris asked lighting another cigarette.

“This..thing with Rihanna. Something about you writing insulting music about her. This doesn’t sound like you Chris, but there is enough of a general perception out there about you that the label is concerned. You’re about to release another album, they don’t want another Graffitti situation.” Mark said, sympathy in his voice.

“It wasn’t even like that.” Chris said tiredly, “but you know what? Its whatever. At this point I’m like whatever happens, happens you know. If people won’t buy my album, there’s not much I can do about it now.”

“You sound like you’re giving up.”  Mark said curiously..

“Not really giving up, just…” Chris shrugged, “I mean…it is what it is, you know? Whatever I do, it just seems like I can’t get it right. So…”

“What does Rihanna have to say about this?” Mark asked.

Chris shrugged again, “Not much.  She’s not really speaking to me right now.” He said, smoking furiously.

“I see…” Mark said thoughtfully. There was a small silence.

“Chris, I know its none of my business, “Mark said after the silence, “but I really think that you need to find a way to make this right…at least with the fans.” He said.

“I’ll do my best.” Chris said standing up. The meeting was done I guess.

His phone had been vibrating in his pocket for a minute but he noticed only after he walked out. He dug his hand into his pocket. Was it Robyn, returning his calls at last.

K.

Shit.

He clicked the answer button but didn’t say anything.

“Chris?” she asked tentatively.

“You dialled my number didn’t you?” he asked.

“Erm, yeah, I mean, umm, about my birthday, I was wondering, are we having a party here or…?” she asked.

Chris thought about it for a minute. Partying at home sounded good, he could go lock himself in his room if he wished when he got bored; but Robyn wasn’t picking up his calls so…if he was going to make her mad enough to want to cuss him out, he needed to make this a public affair.

“Nah, let’s go to Greystone.” He said to K.

“K. Cool.” K said happily, hanging up slow enough that Chris could hear her announce to some squealing girls in the background what the plan was. Good. The more the merrier. The more likely it was Robyn would hear of it.

Robyn herself was more concerned for her grandmother’s health than what shenanigans Chris was up to. London kept calling. She was supposed to be featuring on her own TV show, but Robyn kept finding reasons to postpone going. She asked the producers to write around her, she would not be able to make it. For the first time since she and Chris broke up that first time, she felt that it was time to slow down. Just a little. Family came first.

“Hello.” She answered her phone without checking the caller ID. A fact that hit her just that one second too late.

“Hey baby girl.” Aubrey’s voice came down the line making her sigh with relief and therefore answer him with far more enthusiasm than he deserved.

“Hey Drake! How you doing?” she asked brightly.

“What’s this Drake business? My name is Aubrey you know it.” He said.

“I know it.” Robyn said, but still neglected to use it.

“So how’s tricks? I hear you in New York?” Aubrey asked.

“Yes.” Robyn said shortly. She was simultaneously speaking to him as she tried to put on her shoes to go out for dinner. Most of her attention was on the shoes. After dinner, it was off to the hospital, and then probably the club. Mel was back, so was Jenn and her friend Leandra, her cousins Noella and Nicola. So it was a full complement. Rorrey was also around but he wasn’t trying to hang around all this oestrogen.

“I’ll be down there in a few weeks.” Aubrey tried again.

“Oh?” Robyn asked as she tied her straps.

“Yeah, so…can I take you for dinner?” he asked.

“Get here first, and then we’ll see.” Robyn said.

“Cool, I’ll see you.” Aubrey said happily.

“Yeah.” Robyn said hanging up, “Whatever.” She added to herself.

“Whatever what?” Mel asked. She’d come back in to see what was taking Robyn so long.

“Nothing. Thirsty bitches. Let’s go.” Robyn said. She could murder a spagetti bolognaise right now. All this evading bitches made a person hungry.